4 Strategies for Preventing Group Conflict
Managing potential conflict can build stronger community
By BSF Staff
Be honest—is there someone in your Bible study group you just don’t like? Or two people who always disagree? Do you leave without feeling heard and understood by others?
As you share vulnerably and openly, you may also begin to disagree, annoy each other, and even cause hurt.
Yet when you approach these situations with compassion, your group can grow together and prevent conflict from escalating. In community, we live out Jesus‘s command, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34).
Use these four helpful strategies to navigate relational challenges in your small groups.
1. Listen well
Your group may have members from different denominations, theological perspectives, life circumstances, cultures, and more. What if these differences could bring richness and depth to your group rather than tension?
Unity is not built by being the same but by respecting and appreciating the different gifts that each person brings to your group. As the Apostle Paul wrote, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us” (Romans 12:6).
What could you learn by listening to each other? While another person is speaking, try to focus on understanding their perspective rather than formulating your own response (or judgment).
Some helpful responses may be:
- What I hear you saying is [summarize their viewpoint as you understand it]. Is that right?
- I understand why you believe ______. Have you also considered _____?
- I know that this is an issue we don’t agree on. Would you be interested in getting coffee with me so I can learn more about your perspective?
What if differences could bring richness and depth your group rather than tension?
2. Build empathy
Our different personalities and experiences might make it easy to misinterpret another’s behavior. What one person experiences as bold, another may interpret as rude. What one person believes to be helpful advice could feel like criticism to the recipient.
Knowing this reality, how can you show grace to each other? Remember, your small group is made up of real people navigating real life. Before assuming the worst, try to consider a situation from their perspective.
Here are some responses that might help:
- I notice that you seem [emotion] about this topic. Do you want to talk about it?
- I know that you are trying to _____. It actually makes me feel _____.
- You seem stressed today when _____. Is there anything you want to share?
God calls us to bear with one another and to forgive as we have been forgiven (Colossians 3:13).
Your small group is made up of real people navigating real life.
3. Evaluate your own heart
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed or discouraged by any relational challenges in your group. But not all disagreement or even discomfort is bad. When we are faced with differences of opinion or personality, we may want to back away, but it could be a time to lean in and grow together!
To evaluate the group dynamic, think back to the expectations your group established when you began meeting with each other:
- Is the tone of your conversation respectful?
- Are you giving every group member a chance to speak?
- Do you respect perspectives that are different from your own?
- Are you showing grace to others when they offend you?
Pray for God’s wisdom to help you discern where there is tension and build peace. The wisdom of God is described as pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy, impartial, and sincere (James 3:17-18).
Not all disagreement or even discomfort is bad.
4. Ask for help
If there is conflict or tension in your group that you are not sure how to handle, it might be time to speak with your group leader.
Remember: the goal is not to gossip or create more conflict but to build relationships and create a stronger group dynamic. It may be best to set up a one-on-one meeting with your leader in an environment outside of your regular group meeting.
Navigating relational challenges can be a heavy task. But take heart: We worship the Prince of Peace!
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Please do not delete me. I need and want all mybsf information to study John.
Who wants me deleted? This is a mistake. I have worked hard to access bsf and so excited to have it work for me. I kept praying and didn’t give up!
Hi Linda. Could you explain the issue you are having further? It may be helpful to contact member support by clicking “need help?” on mybsf. Thanks!
Gmail message someone requested me to be deleted from bsf. Contact bsf let them no the request is not from me so I will not be deleted within 30 days! Please help this request js not from me I need bsf. Said I can never be restored. Not true right? I do not believe this gmail is bsf. Will I be deleted? Gmail listed true details and used red.ink. I am praying. Contacted bsf group leader for help thinks it is a slam. Gmail said I would be notified before deleted. I know God wants me in bsf He is.in control and is giving me His.blessed assurance John 16:33
Hi Linda! Let me get you into contact with member support. I’ll send them an email. Thanks!
I agree that not all our roads traveled are the same, but we all want to end in the same place, HEAVEN!! We need to share our thoughts and not judge, because when we come together, we are not all in the same place as the others. Not everyone can quote a verse or answer a question the same or think outside the box! We need to be considerate of the other person. I also want to thank you for the steps to consider as I have had problems with this.
Thank you for the encouraging words and also for the verses that support it.
BSF is a wonderful pasture for God’s children to gather from different folds and share His Word. “I have other sheep that are not of this fold.”
Let us pray for one another and grow with each other. Until He returns.
Maranatha,
Good words of how to handle difficult situations which I know I will experience this year.
So glad I read this information. So much of it we already know but what a blessing to be reminded. After reading “But take heart:We worship the Prince of Peace!”, I was startled to think of how often we forget that very fact.
Great and very helpful insights. They help us to know how to balance our differences as we enrich each other in God’s service
I submitted a somewhat lengthy entry earlier today that I would like to revise and shorten without so many specifics. If you are able to delete my original submission, please let me know so that I can submit a more concise and non-specific entry. I feel I was venting too much about a particular person in the group.
Thank you.
Hi Emily, I’ve deleted your comment as requested.
Thank you for sharing this. We, always need to have a truth to read of assurance. That we must always hear with God’s love.
I have read the rules and many of the replies and I am not sure of how to act now in my upcoming class. I do my homework and try to answer some questions but try not to always be answering. I do have an issue with dead silence that I am working on. Some do not ever speak up and I don’t like that but accept it as a personality difference. I do feel the leader is responsible to guide us through the small group discussion and keep us on track with Godly, gentle spoken rules. I have been blessed with my groups so far but am now preparing for a possible not so wonderful session after reading some of the replies. In life I have found that there is growing in those settings also. Learning to love one another within our faith connection is achievable. Hoping we all can find God’s peace and learning lessons in whatever group God has placed us in.
Thank you for the information. I pray that I will look at everybody
through God’s eyes and take everyones feeling(s) at heart. Looking forward to growing my faith and spititual life in BSF this year.
I learned a lot by reading the comments. Thank God for this learning experience. If God bring it to you, He will carry you through it victorious.
I appreciate so much the time an effort it took to put these resources together! I am grateful and humbled by all of these wonderful tools. All glory to God who equips us!! Thank you BSF Staff, well done.
I plan to attend BSF again this year. What is the starting date?
Most US classes begin next week. Please contact your local class/leader for more information. If you need their information, you can find it by searching for your class on join.bsfinternational.org and clicking “more info” and “contact.” Thanks!
Thank you, good insight, very helpful
This is incredibly helpful information! Thank you so much for writing and posting it. I plan to come back to these thoughts often throughout my first year as an OGL. BSF staff, you are continuing to make a difference in people’s lives!
I had shared in my group last year that a friend of mine was having trouble in her life and that she was catholic . I had been talking to my friend about Christ. Somebody, in my group told me that we don’t mention denominations. I felt attacked because it was my story. I believe it would of been better to approach me 1 on 1 instead of embrassing me in front of my peers. I left that day and didn’t want to come back. Later my group leader called me to see if I was ok. I told her that it wasn’t necessary for this lady to address me in that way. If there are boundaries that need to be set ahead of BSF, the group leader needs to announce this. I am so glad that I listen to the Lord to return and that I forgave this lady. I wish that we could work prayer into our time together. The enemy is just looking for a way to divide and conquer. I don’t think that my group leader handled the situation very well. I know we are all growing. If this ever happens again, I will go to this person myself and ask why didn’t she just wait and pull me aside and tell me this information. We need to be tender hearted with each other and not so stern and mean spirited.
We have bright, deep and responsive ladies in Cheryl’s group. Everyone participates with respect.
Thank you, Cheryl for all you do and your many calls and prayers.
Helpful
Yes I been attending 4 yrs and have loved it . What I found out today was very heartbreaking, the ladies who I have form bonds with and felt comfortable with our groups being split up . I have put in requests for us to be in our group hoping someone would listen . It is easier to learn and enjoy studying with pry you can open up too . I hope this will be considered. I attend old fort baptism church group and would appt if we could all stay in our group from last year . I drive a good ways to study , this is because I know these ladies and have open up to them . We have a bond . Thank you if you can help
I know being with the same people is great because you have shared your lives but remember it’s about the people and not just the ones we like and are close to. Be willing to split up and have a reason to get together outside of group to hear each other’s stories about the new connections you’re making!
Very helpful group dynamics, I believe this is very insightful for us all. God bless you
Thank you so much for sharing this. I feel it was very educational and food for thought. Very helpful. Will definitely read over it again.
Great information. Thank you.
I am happy to see these issues being addressed. I have noticed mostly irritation when a dominant personality that seems to be in need of letting everyone in the group know how knowledgeable they are. This can stifle conversation and intimidate some. I also have had an individual express to me openly that the reason my family cancer concerns weren’t answered by God is that I was not praying hard enough. This upset me so that I left the group and chose another. It is a delicate balance at times to get some members to be more quiet and let others share. It’s a tough job.
This is great to have in my toolbox at home and in leadership roles. I really appreciate having this now at the beginning of the year.
I will read it again and again I suspect.
All these statements are very true in group discussions. You have to listen and be open minded about what others say and respectful. I have been in class and felt confused at times. Just be patient and think before you speak. We learn from others.
As the Holy Spirit leads us in our conversation, we know in unity and relationship we experience God’s presence in our midst. Prayerfully considering Jesus sitting where Two or Three are gathered, Knowing God’s love, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit helping us to see clearly what is the Truth that is being revealed. Always we are going away with a clearer perspective of who Jesus is. We are allowing the Holy Spirit access into our conversation to transform us into Jesus’ image. We only see in part and we need each other to get the full picture of what the Spirit is telling us. We are to enter our groups listening to what the Spirit is saying through His people. Thank you for giving us practical ways to do this.
I was so glad to read this. I love diversity in my group. My prayers are that we will have more this year, just not prejudice, ignorant ones.
Dawn, I have been involved with BSF for minimum of eight years. I have never experienced any prejudice in BSF leadership or in our groups. I am sorry if that has been your experience. Prejudice certainly doesn’t reflect God’s character and should not be reflected in his people.
Thank you for the very usefull blog, it helpted me learn about how to handle difficult situations a better away
I look forward to meeting my new BSF group!
Great advice. Thanks
I neede to read this now.
Educative. I will refer to these strategies from time to time.
This is awesome information to receive. We need to check our own hearts first, so that we do not quit judgment on others.
We are all at work in progress not finished.
As I get older I am humbled by how many things in my life have the solution of, “Love One Another”.
Jesus words and wisdom never change throughout the generations. That brings me great comfort.
I am right there with you. Humbled by every good thing I learn, and comforted by God’s word. Thank you for your comment it spoke to my heart. We are never too old to learn.
So much thoughtful content. I will profit from reading it more than once.
As a group leader, I will refer to these many times over the year so that I can lead well and hopefully instill these in my group the Godly principles of order and love He provides and summed up here. What a great summary for us to use! Thank you leadership team!
Participants need to monitor how much time they talk in a group. Some enjoy sharing so much that they dominate the class time as much as 25-40% of the sharing time. These individuals have good ideas but their voice start to give me a headache.
I have in the past printed the guidelines for our group discussion and handed them out at our first meeting. That way everyone knows what to expect. It worked really well. If they had questions, they asked me when I made my weekly contact with them.